Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we're making bets on your personal life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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