Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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