There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
