just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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