I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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