I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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