The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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