I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
