i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
