i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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