just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
