drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
