Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
