I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
