Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
