Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
