Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
