I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
