As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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