don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
