a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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