You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
