Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
