Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
