Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
