Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
