I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
