my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
