If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
