ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
