Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
