Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
