remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
