found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.