my phone needs a breathalizer
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
