Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize