Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour

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  (503): That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour http://tfl.nu/3dpl
  Replies (8) Good night (2545) Bad night (1064)
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  (516): View more from New York

  remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.

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  (516): remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying. http://tfl.nu/1qjh
  Replies (34) Good night (3730) Bad night (617)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge

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  (401): The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge http://tfl.nu/3yfn
  Replies (32) Good night (697) Bad night (5071)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

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  (941): If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him? http://tfl.nu/9nhp
  Replies (140) Good night (1131) Bad night (12741)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  saw you walking with that piece of shit

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  and that piece of shit just read that

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  (215): saw you walking with that piece of shit (267): and that piece of shit just read that http://tfl.nu/lre4
  Replies (24) Good night (1417) Bad night (6016)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

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  (917): we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer. http://tfl.nu/2zy4
  Replies (60) Good night (10338) Bad night (1321)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?

  (210): View more from Texas

  no

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  (956): is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge? (210): no http://tfl.nu/pkgs
  Replies (15) Good night (2034) Bad night (5092)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

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  (407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv
  Replies (6) Good night (2616) Bad night (776)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress

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  (774): I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress http://tfl.nu/bwko
  Replies (6) Good night (2100) Bad night (908)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.

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  (301): he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again. http://tfl.nu/vkbm
  Replies (8) Good night (2311) Bad night (694)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I had him autograph the condom wrapper.

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  (573): I had him autograph the condom wrapper. http://tfl.nu/xdb0
  Replies (8) Good night (1855) Bad night (626)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.

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  (515): She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers. http://tfl.nu/t1ua
  Replies (8) Good night (925) Bad night (581)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.

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  (708): Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight. http://tfl.nu/8q6s
  Replies (4) Good night (1120) Bad night (577)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.

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  (908): We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe. http://tfl.nu/0uet
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (288)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".

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  (386): When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me". http://tfl.nu/x44y
  Replies (0) Good night (722) Bad night (256)

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