she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
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I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off