you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.