Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?