Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.