Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How's your threesome situation going?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.