There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he fucked my hip out of place.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.