I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
