so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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