I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
