i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
