So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
