Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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