I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize