if you like me you must not know who I am
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
