I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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