apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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