If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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