make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
