I cockslap morals
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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