I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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