you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
