I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
