I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
