I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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