He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
