Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
