Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
