are you still at the devil's house?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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