i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
