Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
