dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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