He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
worst night to have a conscience
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
