can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
