Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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