Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
