I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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