HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
