There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
