Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
