I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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