I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You ate ashes out of my bong
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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