so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
