I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
