At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
