Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
