If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
