i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
