Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well most of my day revolves around power hour
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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